mindless tired ramblings

I'm happy for you; to know that you are doing well in your career. All thoughts of you are banished from my mind, well almost all, but from time to time the mind lingers. At this stage in my life, i wonder where is it that i'm heading towards. Am i really still that nonchalant carefree fella that's doing what his heart tells him or am i just a shrewd opportunist trying to squeeze every single drop of chance given to me? It's funny, was given a comment that i'm picking up your traits but irony is, i think you picked up more traits from him then me from you. Wet tissues to clean the dashboard, pulling out plastic covers from ktv remote controls, etc. Sometimes there's a tinge of pain just looking at him cos he reminds me of you and sometimes i look at him, wondering what were the qualities you liked about him and how you guys might have been the perfect couple. You messed up... big time. Now i'm wondering whether i'm gonna mess up big time as well. Never a good idea to mix friendship and work together, especially when it's someone as fucked up as myself. I seriously am not capable of handling stress, and most of the time, i don't even know i'm stressed until i descent into a breakdown. I don't want to be given a job out of pity and i seriously want to do well in this but all this time, i just feel so weighted down because of that internal fear that i'll let him down. The rambling continues, my mind needs to unwind...