Another Brick In The Wall

In the midst of a lonely night, i've arrived at a conclusion.

I'm no longer loving nor am i capable of love. I seem to have set aside my heart, left it some place else and just walked away because my life now has no love. There is no longer an interest to love nor the desire for passion. The spark has died within me… all that i am left with is my job, and a slew of digital media to entertain me.

I comfort myself with self-improvement, or the attempt to. I fail terribly. My room renovation project has been planned a year and so far, a gentle nudge in the right direction. A purchase for a new bed and paints brought to liven my entertainment room wall… but who am i doing it for? Does these things truly reflect me?

My driving and riding lessons… a heroic 2 years in the making, a third is possibly in sight.. why am i doing it? Given my history with Al, the alcoholic.. i'll no sooner be driving myself up a lamp post and ending up on the front page of The New Paper. That'll be really funny though.

What i'm truly feeling, what i'm truly desiring… it's been so long since i marched to the beat of my heart that i can no longer hear its' call. Who am i? At this moment, i am just another brick in the wall.