Disturbed

I used to have a stray dog once, his name was Xylus. Met him at my void deck one day. he was so cheerful, running around, trying to befriend anyone who'll play with him. I asked if he was keen to follow me home and he smiled. So it started, our friendship of 6 weeks.

Turns out he wasn't just a normal dog. Years of abandonment by several owners and abused by some, Xylus carried with him a heavy baggage. I took it on unknowingly, yet i cared and loved him as i would my child. At times, it pains me to see how the years of emotional scarring affects his life.

He was very much a puppy at heart with very good temperament, always ready to please but there was a dark side too. Sometimes, out of the blue, while playing in the living room, he would sudden hide under the sofa and refuse to come out. His gaze would sink deeper within himself with an aura of gloom building over. It's almost as if he's recalling something from his past, some dark ominous cloud that would just settle right above him.

Attempts to get him to come out would only serve to make him withdraw deeper into himself and once, when i tried to go near and physically pull him out, he gave a deep guttural growl, teeth baring. As my hand went inches from his face, he snapped and went at me. I remember my shock and hurt from being emotionally pushed away by him. The crazed look he had on his face was so contrasting to the loving gaze he gave whenever i cuddle him in my arms.

It seems that no matter how much love i showered him, it could never take away the years of pain and sadness that he had suffered before meeting me.

A recent incident sudden made me remember Xylus. I, too, am suddenly having to face the demons of my past.. re-

I can be happy and cheerful at one moment and suddenly bitter and sad in the next. Painful memory keeps visiting me like the ghosts before Christmas, flashbacks of what has been replaying continuously in my mind, the floodgate of remembrance keep gushing out and my will is unable to stop it.

So now it has become my turn to go through what my poor dog has to experience. As the dark clouds gathers and the rain starts pouring, i give a silent prayer.. hoping not to drown.