Kimchi Chegay

Finally managed to sort out my iTunes again!! *>_<* For the 2nd time.

First time i did that and stored the files in my external hard drive... it crashed so spectacularly that it requires a $720 a pop CPR resuscitation to revive it... i decided it was time to let go.

Luckily i was able to retrieve most of the music collection from my now-defunct iPod so i shall not complain. I am blessed..

So now it's on to my next task.. to photoshop all the pictures in my iPhoto collection. This way i can brush up on my editing skills and at the same time present a more organized and prettier looking pictures for keeps. =) The first set that i've completed.. my trip to Korea in 2007 for my 2nd sister's wedding.

Enjoy~

No, i didn't forget about the eye bags, i just prefer an au natural look on myself. =P

That's my eldest sister and my nephew.

More of the little precocious one.Mother and child.
The family portrait in western costume
More on the bride.
I was on the trip with my 1st sister to attend my 2nd sister's Korean Wedding. They had one in Singapore before this. Her MIL in the picture, reminds me of my mom. =)
That's adiyos for the wedding, it's on the photo whoring. =P
It's all bats off on this one.
Proving to everyone how much of a showstopper i am.
hmm.. don't know what to say or do...
How about some hand actions..
Some body movements..
Okay, i think this settles it.
Me and my Hoodie.
Super 'bo liao' editing in this one.
I removed 2 boys from the background and added in one additional blue spotlight.
No problem! Got rid of a nosey lady that was directly behind me!

Showstopper!! Erm.. more like flasher.

Conclusion.. i should be doing photo hunt inspired photos. Now you see it, now you don't. Haha!

Splat!

I don't really know how to say this... but i think for the first time in a relationship, i am scared. I am scared because i feel that this is the last of me, a tiny fragment of what i was, a tiny fragment of myself that hasn't fell apart and broken away from me. I have given too much of myself away and what's left of me, sometimes even i am shocked by what i see, surprised at the stranger that i've become.

If you've noticed..i have become very quiet recently but for me, i don't feel that i'm quiet, i am just very cautious... cautious of my actions and cautious of my words... because i'm tired.. tired of having another senseless argument, tired of tripping over your emotional threads, tired of being witty, tired of being accused, tired of being wrong.. all the time.

So after movies i keep my mouth shut... every questions or comments made by you suddenly becomes a flashback of all the arguments we have about it. Me not being substantial in my comments on the movies seen... i'm sorry darling, i thought it was just casual talks, not some debating issue where i have to take a side and argue the hell out of it. I must've been stupid cos it seems that i am always wrong.


I've made things all about you.. it's what you wanted, isn't it?

Every single time we have an argument, you somehow have the incredible ability to twist the story... whatever i was previously upset about becomes an issue about you and you end up getting even more upset than myself and i, the previously upset person have to be forced to put aside whatever i'm upset about to cater to your temperamental needs.

You are selfish but in your mind, you think you are a very giving person. Certainly you wouldn't spare a thought to care for your friends or pay for my expenses outside but you don't realize that there's more to it then the physical stuff. You are selfish with your time and your needs. So many sacrifices and changes i've made for you... have you noticed?

Whenever we reach home, i'm the one who keeps our slippers and sandals away.. do you say thank you?

Whenever you are hungry, i'll always be the one to walk to the nearest food stall to buy you lunch cos you are too lazy to do so.. do you really appreciate it?

Whenever i'm in Clementi and you ask me to come over to Joo Chiat cos you're lonely... i do it because i love you.. do you REALLY appreciate it?

You didn't like it when i kept asking you where you were and what you are doing right? Have you seen me do it often lately?

I mentioned to you to give me a sms half an hour after i gave you your wake up call to ensure that you're awake right? Did you do it?

I asked you to send me a sms at 5pm to let me know where you are so i could know where to meet up with you for dinner right? Did you do it?

Both times i had to be the one to call you to ask... did i get angry, did i say it to your face? No, because i know you'll get defensive and hurt and blame it on me anyway... no .. i didn't want an argument, not a losing battle i want to fight for.

So we met up and you told me that we're gonna watch a movie with a bunch of your friends after dinner. It was all arranged in the afternoon and the tickets are already brought. Sigh.. you must be thinking contently to yourself that you've done something good for me... but no, my dear, you're wrong. Wrong because you failed to realize that you've only served to make yourself happy but not me. This isn't the first time something like this happens... you always make plans for me without my approval. Were you to ask how i am doing... you'll know that i am pretty tired out the past few days and i just want a quiet night with you for dinner. I have a beach outing the next day at 10am and so i want to have an early rest. I can't even classify it as good intentions because it has happened wayy too many times and it only leads me to conclude that you don't consider my feelings at all when it comes to planning of your schedule. I am just slotted and fitted in where ever you see suits YOUR interest best. That is called selfish. To have the story turned and told that i'm the heartless one for not appreciating your good intentions... when you don't even bother to call me to ask or take time to REALLY consider what i REALLY want or need... irony...


I used to think that i was the one who was always being emotional and that was what is draining us out... i'm starting to think otherwise lately.. i think you are the one carrying the paper heart around. You coupled that fragile emotional psyche of yours' with your intellect and you start analyzing and arguing and getting upset... more upset... even more upset... that you've slowly withdrawn into yourself. I can't pull you out from there... and it's tiring me, more every single day. I need to stop ranting and go to sleep..

... Baby, whatever it is.. I Love You.. i really want to work it out... make it happen between us... just that at this point i'm really drained... i need time to recuperate..

Milkshake, Fries N' Burger

The smell of ketchup drifted into my senses as i entered the American franchise, greeted by warm friendly smiles. We went up the stairs and entered a whole new world, a scene of bright lights, giant posters and soft cushy chairs. We came, we ordered, we ate.

Suspend in disbelief

Something horrible happened earlier this week.. so disgusting and vile, it leaves a bitter taste in my throat. Perhaps i'm still reeling from it. I feel like i'm halfway through a bungee jump, suspended in mid-air, time standing chillingly still as i hear my own heart beating... and strangely it's beating as it should, no faster nor slower then it used to, and i wonder..

I now wonder whether things would be better off if it just ended the way it should... a simple keep in touch, constant flirting on msn whenever bored, an occasional call when either one is feeling mischievous... that'll probably save a lot of heartache and pain.

I wonder... of all the ones out there, some worse, some better, some cuter, some uglier, some fitter, some chubbier, some younger, some older... why me... why am i the one to be chosen?

After all the horror of the week... i am alone, i should be peaceful and content but no... i don't feel that way. I am numb by it all, my energy draining in an excruciating slow trickle... by unanswered questions, unresolved issues and oh, my favourite poison of late... sweet sweet jealousy.

Welcome back, Jasca. The blues you've been singing shall finally be heard.

Sigh.. I long to return to simpler times..

love is..

i've always believe in equality within a relationship, be it a friendship or love but recently I'm finding the balance being tilted more and more. When you give, you expect the person to return. When you listen, you expect the person to offer a listening ear back. Sometimes it just isn't the case. I often wonder, "Is it selfish of me to have the kind of expectation of others?" Especially when you think about love and what love means..

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."

'A Walk To Remember'

Would i ever learn to achieve this kind of love for others, especially to the ones i hold dear to my heart?

disappointed.

"why is it that when two person falls in love, there always has to be one who falls harder?"

It was a case of the issue behind the argument that's bigger then the argument itself. Did you take the time to try and understand why i was acting the way i was? I'm a big dumb dumb... i didn't fully realize it when we were arguing, only a couple of hours later when i shared my feelings to others that i realize what was happening and why i reacted the way i did.. but i remember trying to convey it out to you, in whatever impractical ways (sulking) i know of. You didn't have the patience for me... you didn't want to accept my point of view... it would be so different if it was the other way round, remember the food argument? It was exactly like that.

I didn't have the strength to push my point thru, i guess then i didn't even know what my point was but you're the clever one, shouldn't you already second guessed me to it? Even now i'm being childish but the damage's been done and i'm the one left in a corner, ignored... even though i wasn't in the wrong. it's tiring for me too and i hate being ignored... all that's left now is me feeling disappointed and extremely drained.

A dog's life

Jasper had to undergo an operation to have his balls cut off and i had the opportunity to scrub in and watch the entire procedure because the vet is a personal friend of mine. I must say it's an overall cool experience, the closest i'll ever get to observing an operation.

Alot of people have been asking me why i wanna neuter him so here's the top 3 reasons i could think of...

Number 3
Neutering him before he reaches adulthood will stop him from ever attaining undesirable habits such as marking (that is peeing every 5 steps he takes when you bring the dog out for walks), being territorial and aggressive.

Number 2
Neutering before he turns one year old will ensure that he attains the health benefits that comes along with not having sex hormones, such as cancer. That's what i've been told.

Number 1
Jasper has undescended testicles, which means he's 3 times more likely to kena testicular cancer. It is also highly recommended by vets to remove it as it poses serious health threats to the dog.

On a different topic... it's kind of a warped thought but I don't suppose i'll ever get the chance to observe a woman in the operating theatre giving birth to my child so watching Jasper having his testicles removed is the next best thing..

My boy after being heavily sedated, (took alot to him concussed!) tied up and
inserted with an oxygen tube/pump down his throat.

A close up picture of Jasper sedated.. ain't he cute!
(I know, I'm a sicko)

Sterilizing him before the operation.

That's iodine (i think..) that they're using on his tummy.
(Jo, care to explain what the iodine's for? =P)
Then they use alcohol to clean the area again.

Here we go!

YikeS! He's cutting him up like sushi!

Extremely sharp clamps to hold the surgery area in place.

Having a hard time trying to find the testicles...

The first one found after roughly 15-20 minutes into the surgery.

Clamping tight to the second one ready for the knife!


And the second one is out!

The two balls side by side. One is actually smaller then the other.

Trying to soak up blood before stitching back the wound.

Doc to Nurse : Where's the piece of rag i left just now?

Doc: Aww shit, gotta open the wound to remove my bloody rag again!
(Just kidding~ but kinda reminded me of that episode in Grey's Anatomy)

All stitched up. See the 'pinches' left behind by the clamps? 'Ouch!'

All closed up. It actually looks like a pig's skin that people use to cook stews in.

The nurse giving Jasper some much needed TLC.

Jasper : What have you done to my BaLLs!! Argh, my precious!!!

Jasper : Somemore still have to get stuck with this cone thinG?!

No wonder he's all depressed. =/

Today am gonna bring him to have his stitches removed. It'll be 2 weeks since his surgery. The wound looks a bit like this last week..



Was just checking up on it earlier on and it seems to be not healing up too well. A bit of bacteria and dirt down there as well... oh no.. i hope nothing bad happens when i see the vet tomorrow. Got a feeling that I'll be scolded by my friend. hmm.. wait till next time to know the results!

Awake to smell the flowers

My identity for 3 months, this has got to be my worse job ever.. i've totally and absolutely managed to single-handedly fuck it up. Thinking back, the job isn't so bad. If i was the same person that i was 5 years back, i would've took on to the job pretty well and made a good career out of it.

I think my priorities have changed over the past 5 years and i no longer see the same picture everyone else around me is seeing. I don't think i see that motivation to work hard in a job just so i can move ahead, climb higher up the corporate ladder, make more money anymore... instead, i see myself wanting to spend more time with my love ones, trying to slow down the pace to start appreciating what's around me, learning to take the simple pleasures in life and making it a joyous celebration of life, more importantly, learning to look deep within myself... not to realize the man i want to be but rather, to find the man that i already am inside.

Blame it on the Army, Blame it on the Alcohol, Blame it on Love, Blame it on my Family, Blame it on my Lil' Doggie, Blame it on Myself... but yes my friends, i have become a hippie, a social outcast on a journey towards life.


Hippie : a person, esp. of the late 1960s, who rejected established institutions and values and sought spontaneity, direct personal relations expressing love, and expanded consciousness, often expressed externally in the wearing of casual, folksy clothing and of beads, headbands, used garments, etc.


( Definitely me sans the sense of style. )